It's been a busy summer for me, in that I've been able to fulfill some longtime fantasies, and reinforce others. All of this comes at the expense of some major family issues that I don't particularly want to go into. Suffice it to say, being able to play with my friends has offered me a lot of much-needed comfort and distraction.
Hair Essentials
After hmming and hawing about it for years, I finally bit the bullet and got my hair properly dyed for the first time. I told my stylist I wanted to go "as pink as possible" and she said "aight say less". This is one of those things that, in retrospect, I should have done years ago. Every time I caught a glance of myself in the elevator mirrors at IML I was just blown away with how happy it made me. This is definitely going to become an ongoing thing, my friends just need to decide what color to go with next.
Mob Rule
A few years ago I started the OJ Accountability Group on Telegram. Originally, this was intended for myself and some friends to hold each other accountable for our various chastity goals. While it didn't work out for me (chastity and I don't get along), the group kinda kept trucking along. In the midst of the aforementioned family stuff, I distracted myself by writing up some rules for myself. Then I'd let the group enforce them as an experiment. It's nothing super exciting, just me basically codifying stuff I'm already doing (or should be doing). One of the problems with this whole rules thing is that babysitting someone is actually a lot of work, and I didn't want this to turn into that. So a lot of the enforcement and reporting violations falls to me; if the group wants to get involved they're welcome to, but its not a requirement. It seems to be working fairly well so far, we'll see how things progress as time goes on.
Pissed
One of the more memorable experiences was me being installed on the porch at an airbnb to be on the receiving end of a lot of piss. I don't particularly enjoy drinking it, but the idea of just being pissed on, repeatedly, and left to stew, is really hot to me. So I was fortunate enough that when I brought up the idea, Max jumped at the opportunity.
Within short order my wrists were cuffed around a post on the deck and I was forced to wait for what was to come. The anticipation was really great; knowing its coming but not being able to do anything about it really ramps up the headspace. I also got my head shaved as part of the proceedings, depriving me of a mohawk I've been working on since March. A good excuse to start fresh. I do miss the color though... This was definitely something I enjoyed immensely, and I'm looking forward to having more opportunities to do it again.
Birthday Scenes
I also celebrated my birthday this past month, and you know what that means...
That's right I got tied up and used as a top! The whole sub-top thing has occupied an absurd amount of space in my mind for far too long. I really enjoy the notion that my orgasm is being taken from me. It's not that I get to cum, it's that I'm cumming on someone else's terms, whether I want to or not. Overall this scene went really well. Knowing what was being done to me, and being rendered helpless toggled the primal part of my brain and I just turned into a snorting, struggling, grunting mess. Being blindfolded and gagged just enhanced the experience. We did run into some costume and position-related logistical issues, but we were able to adapt mid-scene and continue.
Shoutout to Allegro for helping me realize this dream of mine.
Birthday spankings were also administered, albeit a few days late. Spark was gracious enough to strap me to my cage so I couldn't stop him and go to town. I had the forethought to use my extra squishy bit gag. This turned out to be a good call on my part because that primal button got pushed again. It's immensely satisfying to be able to really pull on the restraints and know you're not going anywhere. Just like the sub top scene I was completely helpless to stop what was happening to me, which just reinforced that primal rage. Eventually after two(!) rounds of birthday spankings (and much wailing and gnashing of teeth), Spark held my head down and jerked me off. He's sweet like that.
In terms of my relationship with pain, this whole scene was fucking incredible. Spark didn't push the pain for the sake of it, once he hit the peak he ramped it back down and focused on making it persistent. This is far more engaging for that primal side of my brain, not so overstimulating that I can't focus on anything but waiting for it to end, but not so underwhelming that my brain has time to wander off on its own. I found myself able to process the situation and let those endorphins do all the talking. Perfection!
Bondage of the Self
Of my many obsessions, a safe and effective self bondage setup has been the longest-running. My white whale. Ever since I was a kid I was obsessed with finding ways to tie myself up, since obviously I couldn't just ask someone to. Eventually I grew up and started playing with other people (15 years ago now...), mostly scratching that itch. The urge is still there though, lurking, waiting. I've indulged over time, mostly thanks to actual restraints and better gear, but it's never been enough. There's always a carabiner or keys within reach. I can struggle all I want, but there's a way out, and its on my terms.
Then a few months ago I stumbled across a fail-open (or NO, a.k.a. 'nominally-open') solenoid. It all runs on 12v, so the wires are spicy but not too spicy. Perfect for a little hobby project to create the perfect self bondage system. Coupled with a digital timer module and oh my fucking god so much 3D printing, I constructed the monstrosity you can see below.
There's still a TON of safety elements I want to integrate before I'm comfortable using it truly solo. It's also entirely likely that the Safety Lizard Brain™ will never be comfortable with it, even if I do write up a full FMECA for it. If nothing else, I'll probably write up a longer post about the project at some point.
Wow that's a lot. I expect some folks will comment that I do so much, and they have no idea how. My unsolicited advice is to just talk to people. Tell them what you want to do! Don't show up with a 30 page fantasy, but do bring at least one or two big ideas to the table. Things will grow and expand from there.