Post IML

IML has come and gone. The things I was worried about with Texas Boy never materialized. Instead, a whole host of other little things popped up instead. Nothing world-shattering mind you, just the usual growing pains that any relationship goes through.

I have social anxiety. I hate being in environments where I don’t know anyone. It sucks and it makes me want to scream. Texas Boy, on the other hand, does not have social anxiety (or he can keep his in check). This works for me because Texas Boy can lure people over with how cute he is and I don’t have to be the one to awkwardly start up a conversation. Teamwork!

Texas Boy also didn’t seem overwhelmed at all. We were both worried about it, but aside from a few rooms that were dangerously crowded, he was a frickin’ moth to a flame. For some reason or another, my allergies decided to riot on Sunday night, so I stayed in the room and watched Game of Thrones while he ran off to some party. It must have been around 1 AM when he finally decided to waltz back in and grace me with his presence.

Friction. It happened. And not the kind you’d think. Honestly, it was really just a basic miscommunication on both our parts. Monday night was our last night at IML and I was still feeling under the weather. Well, Texas Boy had invited an adorable puppy to spend the night with us (after they’d spent basically the entire evening wrapped together…), and hadn’t checked if I was cool with him staying first.

Ultimately, it worked out. We both acknowledged that we’d failed to communicate the situation and how we felt about it. It all worked out in the end though. Puppy spent the night, he and Texas Boy were adorable together and everyone had a good time. As much as I would have preferred it to be just us on our last night, I’m happy with the way things went.

Aside from that, IML was a lot of fun. I feel like it’s typically more oriented towards socializing than playing, but you can still have fun if you know where to look. In my case, I got to chain up two boys and spend a few hours in a straitjacket with a well-used jock strapped over my face (every boy’s dream!)

All in all, good weekend, lotsa fun. Texas Boy is ALREADY making noise about coming back to Chicago for MIR. I have no idea how I’m gonna keep up with him…

International Mister Anxiety

This time next week I’ll be in Chicago for IML. I have an interesting relationship with IML: After fantasizing about it for years I finally buckled down and decided to go in 2014. Life Happened™, punched me in the dick, and tried to ruin the experience for me. Luckily I was able to lean on a few very good friends and wound up having a really, really good time.

Things are unfolding a little differently this year. Texas Boy and I have been dating long-distance for a while now and we’re both fairly comfortable with whatever the fuck you want to call our arrangement. We haven’t seen each other since February though, so I’m afraid that we’re gonna be torn between “I wanna spend every waking moment attached to you” and “I want to go and explore some stuff. Bye!”

The big ‘umbrella’ fear for me is that TB doesn’t have nearly as much experience as I do with big events like these. Between the all the new people he wants to meet and the crowds and the fact that he’s ‘fresh meat’, I feel like the entire weekend might be overwhelming in general. Luckily, we’re not going in completely blind and I (think I) know him well enough to understand what situations might make him uncomfortable. We’ve also got a hotel room to ourselves, which I think will help us decompress as well.

ON THE OTHER HAND, TB is put together a lot better than I am. He does a better job of socializing (IE: he doesn’t have a resting bitch face like I do) and he’s just altogether smarter and more logical than me. Seriously, he’s talked me down from more than a few anxiety attacks over the last year. One time he texted me that he’d been in an accident and that he was uninjured. For most people, I’d have blown their phone the fuck up trying to get in touch. TB knows his stuff though, so I just texted back for him to call me when he could and put it out of my mind until later.

So yeah. I’m at a weird point where I’m not-freaking-out-but-a-little-closer-to-that-point-than-I-like-being. The critical thing is that TB and I keep talking and communicating. If we keep doing that, IML will almost certainly go off without a hitch. If nothing else, it’ll be really awesome to hang out with all our friends, old and new alike.

“What the fuck OJ, this isn’t kinky at all!”
I know! But this relationship stuff is important and it might help someone else. Besides, all my kinky shit is on Tumblr and Twitter these days.

OJ’s basic guide to maintaining your online privacy

The vast majority of kinky people know how to keep their kink and normal selves separate, but on the off chance that someone doesn’t know about these precautions, I decided to write this up anyway. Here are five basic things you can do if you’re interested in preserving your privacy:

Continue reading OJ’s basic guide to maintaining your online privacy


I’ve got a bunch of thoughts running around in my head that aren’t well thought out enough for their own posts. As always, these are my thoughts and I’m not positioning myself as anyone with anything more than my own personal take on things.

  1. On switching – So a lot of newer folks on Recon seem to either swing 100% active or 100% passive. I’m not saying that’s bad and that they should stop, but I sincerely hope that people keep an open mind. In my (still somewhat limited) experience, kinksters tend to mellow out and skew more 50/50. This injects a LOT of good energy into the scene.
    • Subs: Know what they do and don’t like, what is or isn’t painful etc etc. That knowledge can be tremendously useful, especially when they play with less experienced folks. The first few times I played, I subbed to guys who identified as more submissive
    • Doms: Personally, knowing that someone who’s Dominant has had experience as a sub puts me more at ease. They have a better idea of what might and might not work.

    But to summarize: New folks, don’t feel like you need to pick a Dom or sub role and stick with it forever

  2. On Puppy Play – I’ve made no secret of the fact that I don’t identify with the pup scene anymore (or maybe I have. Either way, surprise!). I read people’s accounts of going to moshes or pupping out at events and I just don’t feel like that appeals to me. I’d chalk it up to social anxiety and a lack of experience with that sort of environment, but I’ve tried. I gave moshing a hell of a chance at MAL and I just hated it. I’ve heard that puppy play started off as a form of punishment [citation needed] and it’s definitely an aspect that I enjoy. I don’t want to be a good boy, I don’t want to get scritches, I don’t want to play fetch.I want to be treated like an animal.
  3. On Dating – I’m seeing someone. I haven’t made a big deal about it because, well, I don’t really want to. Screaming to the world about how deeply we’re in love or posting a billion pictures of us on Twitter doesn’t seem right. I dunno, maybe I’m just maturing.

    I visited him last week and we had some good fun.

  4. On Anxiety – It’s been kicking my ass hardcore for the last 18 months or so. I’m only just now starting to feel like I’m back to the point where I can play again. Scary shit. I use some of these techniques as coping mechanisms. Most importantly, I don’t worry about the stigma (it never really occurred to me to worry about it). Talk to your close friends and loved ones.

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