tallglassofoj

Breakthrough

I've got a huge backlog of scenes I'm under orders to write up and post here, but they're going to have to wait until after this one. Loki and I had a major breakthrough on Saturday and I want to get it down while the memory is still fresh.

First though, some background. This previous weekend was uniform fetish night at the eagle, followed by Wicked Wonderland (a fetish vendor mart thing) at 1763. Since these events were basically on top of each other, we decided it would be easiest if I spent the night at Loki's. After an uncomfortable night of trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in on the floor next to His bed, morning arrived and we got up. Sir had to finish prepping his chili for the competition and I assisted (of course). Fun fact: there is no such thing as "quick" shower when you shower with someone else ;) Finally, we arrived at 1763 a little before noon. While He got the chili set up and socialized with our hetero equivalents, I was sent out to pick up coffee and breakfast from Dunkin' Donuts, wearing the Mr. S Puppy Collar locked on (Sidebar: I need some dog tags if this is going to become a thing :)). The chili was judged shortly after I returned and Sir's took first place, netting Him a $100 gift card to the 1763 store. We stuck around for a few raffle drawings before we both realized how tired we were and elected to go back to His place for a quick nap. This didn't last very long though, as I had some errands to run back home, so he cut me loose for a few hours (but still in the collar).

I cooled my heels at home for a few hours before retuning to 1763 around 9 to meet up with Sir for the monthly Decadence party (a pansexual play party with flexible rules on sexual contact). We found a spot to set up, got ourselves situated and He told me to go change. I was lucky that He decided He wanted to see me in my karate uniform, it's one of my favorite pieces of fetishwear and I just don't get to break it out often enough. I returned to present myself to Him and He wasted no time in zipping a neoprene blackout hood over my head. After that, He locked a set of matching ankle/wrist/collar restraints on me and chained them all together so I was hobbled. He dragged me out into the main dungeon area and chained me to a St. Andrews Cross before pulling the uniform jacket down over my shoulders, exposing my bare back.

Flogging is not a turn on in the sense that it gives me a raging boner, I suspect this holds true for almost everyone else as well. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy it though. For reasons I can't quite explain, flogging is a cathartic experience for me. Nothing else matters when you're blind, helpless and chained to a cross having your back mercilessly beaten. That night's flogging didn't feel as intense as my previous experiences, but the atmosphere or the preceding 24 hours had my head in a new level of subspace. All it took was a few hits before I felt myself slipping away. It was the point where He paused, stepped close enough that I could hear Him through the hood and uttered two simple words, "good boy" that I finally gave in. I felt my eyes filling with tears. It only took a few more sets of impacts for me to finally give in and collapse, a sign I hoped he'd interpret as having had enough. He wasted no time in unhooking me from the cross (He used double-ended clips, not locks for that part) and helping me find a chair to sit down in. Leaving my limbs chained, he focused on getting the hood off of me for the first time in almost an hour. I expected to see Him smiling at me, proud that I'd taken as much as I had, or maybe I hadn't lasted long enough and He'd be cross with me. But the instant the hood came off my head I saw a different emotion altogether. Concern. He was worried about me, worried that I was genuinely hurt or worse. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks and I started crying for real. He dropped everything and got down to embrace and then hold me in His arms while I choked out a few sobs into His neck. Neither of us said anything for a long time. Someone's fireplay globe shattered near us and since I wasn't wearing shoes, Loki had to run out and grab mine from the locker. While He was gone, I took a few moments to collect my thoughts and try to figure out why I was crying.

In the five months since I met Him, Loki has broadened my horizons in ways I never expected. He's pushed me to do things I never saw myself doing. I can't express how much time and effort He's poured into making sure every scene, every experience is as memorable as possible. There used to be so many things I was insecure and unsure about. Up until Saturday, I felt like this was all just a game, a temporary blip in my life that would pass eventually.

My words are failing me, I can't accurately sum up what I'm feeling/thinking right now. As much as I hate to rely on it as a crutch, the conclusions will be left up to the reader on this one as well :)