WTF Is: Pup Play?

I know, I know. “Oh boy, another guy with a blog trying to define puppy play.” I’m sick of it too, so I’ll try to keep this as short as possible.

For me, pup play is another level of submission. My ideal “scene” involves a collar, mitts, kneepads and curling up at a Dom’s feet. I don’t want to play fetch, or run an obstacle course, I’d much prefer to stick my face in a sneaker or quietly suffer the indignity of a muzzle (and enjoy the raging hard-on it induces). There are two parts for me get redirected here. On one hand, it’s an excuse to relax, temporarily let go of my responsibilities and focus on the moment. At the same time, it’s deeply entrenched in the inherent humiliation of losing my humanity.

I don’t want to detract from or devalue anyone’s definition of pup play, I just wanted to add my personal perspective after a conversation on Twitter this morning. Maybe I’m into something that’s very-similar-to-but-not-quite-pup-play?

Weekend Fun

This past weekend was interesting…

Friday
Leo hit me up a few hours before work let out to invite me along to grab coffee and meet a new guy in town who was curious to play. I’m always happy to do that, so we spent two hours at a local Starbucks explaining what the scene in Atlanta is like and answering questions. I hope we see more of the new guy (seriously, he’s damn cute).

Saturday
I once again found myself in the company of Leo and his partner along with a whole raft of other guys to go walk around a local street art festival. It was an interesting if not underwhelming experience. I spent most of that evening (and subsequent game night) wandering around, sarcastically wondering aloud “What is art?” Fun times.

Sunday
Things started out pretty mundane until Loki tweeted that he needed to tie someone up. I volunteered almost immediately, seeing as how I’m always happy to get tied up. 90% of the time when we play, I’m usually bare-ass naked. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I’ve got a metric ton of fetishes I don’t explore very often. This time, I took the initiative and changed into my karate uniform as soon as we got down to the playroom. I was expecting him to have a problem with that but he didn’t object. With that hurdle hurdled he got started with the rope. He started off by wrapping a length around my eyes as a blindfold, followed by another length to restrain my wrists and anchor the blindfold rope. More rope was used to build a foundation harness around my upper arms and chest. Two more lengths were tied to the front of the harness and then crossed over the top of my head and anchored to the back of the harness. This forced my head back, leaving my mouth totally exposed. Loki added a sneaker over my nose(yay!) and strapped my ankles to my thighs, effectively hogtying me. Unfortunately, the ropes securing my head in place had come loose and I was able to wriggle my head mostly free. At this point, Hunter arrived and Loki spent a few minutes getting him trussed up for a flogging. I wriggled out of the way and asked Loki if he could yank a blindfold hood over my head (I wanted a way to keep myself occupied). Hunter got flogged, I humped the floor and eventually managed to wriggle out of the ropes around the time Loki finished abusing Hunter. Everyone got off and we managed to spend about an hour in the hot tube before it started raining. A very excellent afternoon and a fun weekend.

> Some pics of Loki’s ropework

Atlanta Pride is this next weekend. Unfortunately my previous plans fell through, but I’m still going to try to make the best of it 🙂

Holy shit it’s a recap!

I am now officially, hopelessly behind on recapping events and scenes by about a year, so it’s time to admit defeat, recap what I can remember and start with a clean slate.

Two boys visited Atlanta in the last couple weeks and I managed to get a few hours in with both of them. The first one found himself mitted and chained to a bed in his hotel room for a good bit while I basically abused the hell out of him. I also got  to do a bit of (for me,) very rare chair bondage, which is always fun. What’s even better is gagging someone and tying off their collar so they end up drooling all over themselves. That’s what I mean when I say I enjoy loss of control :P.

The second visitor, all the way from Mexico City had a few hours free one evening this week so I was more than happy to toss a singlet on him and give him one hell of an edging. It’s really amazing what happens when you tell someone they’re not allowed to get off…

SomaBoyAtl and PupAce have both proven to be exceptionally fun play partners. I got to spend some quality time with both of them at the last Dominion. Speaking of which, did you know we’ve pulled off 13 Dominion parties now? I’m pretty amazed at that. Dan pointed out that we’ve been drama-free so far (knock on wood), and that’s pretty cool. What’s even cooler is that this most recent party was a bunch of guys’ first time, and all of them said they had a blast.

Up next? I’m all but certain a friend of mine from Florida will be in town for pride weekend, a visit two years in the making. It’s simultaneously incredibly exciting but also absolutely terrifying for reasons I can’t properly explain. There’s zero reason for it to go sour though, so I need to stop psyching myself out. After pride is a burning man -styled event in Georgia followed by nothing exciting until IML 2014 (which I need to start planning for).

There you have it. Everything exciting from the last few months. Whee!

Thoughts for Subs

If you’re not reading Fossil9‘s blog, you’re doing yourself a serious disservice. There’s tons of good advice, like

If you want to do bondage, make certain you know your Dom well. When you are bound up and immobile (The best kind, to me), a Dom can do anything and you can’t stop them. If this doesn’t set off all sort of alarm bells, go jerk off a few times and then come back when you have a level head.

Definitely worth a read, no matter what your skill level is.

Jumping the snark

For a more insightful reaction, see Loki’s response as well.

Race Bannon wrote a thing about educators in BDSM. He also said

…when I posted my initial reaction to his piece.

Immature on my part? Almost certainly. Justified? I think so. His piece is chock full of delightful little tidbits like:

I believe that some of the “educators” are working from an unconscious dynamic of fear and envy. These are folks who were never any fun in the first place and are working to suck the fun out of anything somebody else might do.

and

It seems that the same thing is true for many of our “educators.” These folks are often not very skilled in their presentations or events that they organize.

Sooooo…

We have allowed these castrated educators to completely de-eroticize what is meant to be hot, sexy and edgy. How many times have we seen powerful, playful, erotic energy destroyed by the rule bound eunuchs who claim that there is a “right” way to do things?

Oh for shit’s sake. That is one of the most ignorant and ultimately hurtful statements I’ve ever read. I’ve done Loki’s pup play class five times now, and every single time, he goes over outrageously important safety issues like “don’t give human pups real dog food” and “make sure they don’t overheat”. Nitro’s class on breathplay at CAPEX was easily 75% safety issues because breath play is fucking dangerous. We’re not “castrated eunuchs” by any definition of the word! I’ve got the bite marks to show it! Loki, Nitro and every other presenter I’ve been in a class with have all invited the attendees to experience what they just demonstrated at the end. 1763’s education forums are specifically DESIGNED to give people a new experience if they want it Get More Info. Shit, every class at 1763 is followed up by open dungeon play that lasts until 2am.

Ask yourself, when was the last lecture or demo that gave you a hardon? AND, if it did, what were you “allowed” to do with it?

The last demo I attended was one on discreet public play at SouthEast LeatherFest. You bet your sweet ass I got a boner. I was “allowed” to get up and be a demo bottom myself, or experiment with some of the presenter’s various toys once the class was finished (I chose to do neither of those things, I was sleepy). But I sure as hell borrowed some of those ideas later on that weekend.

Are you telling me you want some brand new, 21 year old guy to go out and start doing breath play?

I learned from my two new friends that they have no interest in being “educated” about BDSM. They want to EXPERIENCE IT.

Because that’s exactly what your two new friends are going to do. Or they’re going to stumble across one of those profiles on Recon that’s chock-full of pics from the net.

I hope the demos done in front of large spectator groups will be recognized for what they are…they are entertainment. It is to BDSM what a strip show is to sex. It is pandering. It is freak-show

I’m beginning to wonder if you’ve bothered to attend a class in the last two years or so. Sure, maybe some of these demos and events are more pander-y than others, but even then, they’re demonstrating proper scene etiquette and flow. God forbid we try to show people that “twue BDSM” isn’t like what you see on Bound Gods and every other fucking gay kink porn site out there.

The good old days when being a member of a club or organization meant you had skills and credibility are gone.

I’ll let Loki handle this one.

Race, your post is ultimately going to do more harm than good. That fresh wind is blowing, but it ain’t a renaissance for your leather clubs of yesteryear. Education, whether you like it or not, is important and it’s not going anywhere.

Playing with OJ: A HOWTO GUIDE

Hello! Are you NEW, CURIOUS OR JUST GETTING BACK INTO THE SWING OF THINGS?

That’s fuckin’ awesome! Welcome to the sexual revolution, we’re glad to have you along. You probably stumbled across my profile on Recon or Fetlife (but not GF, let’s be real) and subsequently found my blog. You might ahve even read some of my previous posts and said to yourself “Self, that OJ guy sounds like more fun than a barrel of silly string. I wonder if he’d ever like to play with me…”

Lemme stop you right there. Of fucking COURSE I’d like to play with you. In fact, I’d love to play with you. I like playing, maybe you noticed. So… what the hell do I mean when I say play?

Generally, in a scene with someone new there’s a lot of power-exchange, Dom/sub play going on, I like reminding people that they don’t have power. Subs can expect everything from getting strapped down and edged to getting manhandled a bit. I’m not (much of)a sadist. I don’t inflict a lot of pain and I don’t get off on seeing someone in pain (I know guys who do though). I like locks, chains and leather. I don’t play with rope, I don’t know rope. I’m very, very much into all sorts of fetish gear. Leather, spandex, sports gear, you name it, I like seeing guys wearing it. In the likely chance that you don’t have anything along those lines to wear, I’ll be happy to outfit you (again, Dom/sub play). A general rule of thumb is: If it gives you a boner when you put it on, wear it. Chances are that I’m into whatever it is too. Which brings me to my next point:

SEX. Now that I have your attention, let’s talk about sex. Anal isn’t a “thing” when I play. I do not tie people up and fuck them. People do not tie me up and fuck me. The most I do is oral, but really only because it plays a role in the power exchange. For me, bondage is sex. Even then, my orgasm isn’t important. Your orgasm is slightly more important, only because I like keeping you on edge. I’ve got no quarrel with people who mix kink and fucking but that’s not me.

Like I said, I get it. You’re new. You’re curious. You’re moderately scared. You’ve got plenty of non-stupid questions (because there is no such thing as a stupid question). Good. We’re going to discuss your questions and concerns over a nice lunch or dinner before we even think about playing. What I won’t do is play 20 questions with you over Recon/Grindr(yes, I’m talking to YOU), filly-farting around WTF I mean when I say I’m kinky. Those conversations never go anywhere and I’m not going to waste my time. Nothing good has ever come from beating around the bush with regards to playing. Asking for a pic or two is fine, asking for a picture of my dick is a flag that tells me you’re wasting my time. Either set a date to meet up and discuss What It Is That I Do™ or move on. There’s plenty of fish in the sea.

Addendum: Again, I have absolutely zero judgment against people who play differently from me. I just feel significantly dissimilar from the zeitgeist and I want to make sure everyone’s on the same page when it comes to playing or even just hanging out.

Related posts:
WTF is: Atlanta Dominion
Hey.
Fucking Philosophy
Entitlements

WTF is: Atlanta Dominion

This is a question I get frequently. A few days before our bi-monthly parties, Dan, Loki and I get inundated on Recon with messages asking what Dominion is. Hell, we just got an epic shoutout from the NoSafeWord podcast. I’ve worried that I do a poor job of explaining it in the past, so I figured it was time to sit down and explain, in detail, what Dominion is.

If you’re at all remotely geeky, you’ve seen an episode of Mythbusters. One of my favorite parts about the show is that no matter what the project calls for, they can go into their workshop and whip it up. “Oh, you need a trebuchet? No problem.” “Prefab building built to code? On it.” Ad infinitum.

Dominion is a Mythbusters Workshop of kink. Thanks to the beautiful 1763 dungeon and the gaggle of experienced players we draw out, we can do almost anything you want at Dominion. Wanna practice your rope suspension? We’ve got two specially constructed frames for that. In the mood for some flogging? Grab someone who knows what they’re doing, pick a cross and play as long as you like. I can’t count the number of guys I’ve seen mummified in plastic wrap and ducttape, or chained to a cross and tortured with a violet wand or electro box. If you find that a little privacy helps you get into the proper headspace, pick any one of the unoccupied side rooms, close the door and go to town. Hell, if all you’re in the mood to do is sit back and watch, I, along with most other guys there will be more than happy to drag you around on a leash.

We are also incredibly flexible with just about everything. The dresscode says “naked to formal to fetish wear” and we mean it. I’ve seen guys spend the entire time bare-ass naked while others have shown up in their work clothes. Personally, I tend to stay mostly clothed, usually in a singlet if not a pair of absurdly short shorts. If someone’s unsure what to wear, I usually tell em to find something that gives them a boner and wear that. Just because it’s not necessarily someone else’s fetish doesn’t mean it can’t be hot.

I think a lot of guys hear “all-male play party” and jump immediately to picturing it being one giant orgy where subs are up for grabs by whoever wants them. That couldn’t be further from reality. Dominion is not a Bound Gods shoot, it’s real people doing real play. Everyone’s limits are respected, regardless of their experience level. We place a strong emphasis on using safewords (Red and Yellow) as well. Worried about pictures winding up online? Don’t sweat it: photography of any sort is strictly forbidden on this flight in the dungeon (except under certain, rare circumstances). Your membership application is strictly confidential and won’t be used in any capacity other than to put you on our email reminder list.

We host Dominion on Sunday afternoons in order to maximize the time-accessibility for as many people as possible. The 2-7pm block is, in our experience, dead, so we’re don’t have to compete with other events. On top of that, ending at 7pm leaves time for socializing afterwards, usually over pizza at a nearby restaurant. The $20 door fee goes towards paying for the 1763 rental and any leftover cash is put towards snacks and water.

 

It doesn’t matter if you’re new, experienced, in town for one night only, looking to tie, get tied or just walk around in something you enjoy wearing: Dominion is the best play party in the southeast. Check out the website, fill out an application and RSVP for the next party (on Sept. 22nd). We’d love to have you.

The Others

Another Dominion has come and gone, to be remembered only for how bored I was. You’d think that by now, I know a thing or two about how to have a good time, how to enjoy myself at these events. And yet every time it comes to me getting held down and abused a little, that FUD creeps into the back of my mind. I focus on how uncomfortable I am, how close my orgasm is, how much of this blog the top may or may not have read. I’m not like other, more fortunate guys that get to slip right into that wonderful headspace.

But hey, let’s focus on the fun stuff. I got to tie up and abuse a guy who’s bigger and stronger than I am. That’s become a disgusting amount of fun for me as of late. And a friend strapped me down to a chair with my new medical restraints for a while. I honestly can’t complain about being left to squirm around in my triathlon suit for about an hour, that’s just too much fuckin fun.

I think it’s also fair to say that I put a lot of other people before myself on Sunday as well. Someone commented that I seem more like a DM than anything, which I’m perfectly happy with. If I’ve got this whole empathy thing going on I may as well put it to good use, be it grabbing waters for someone who’s just finishing a scene or watching their sub while they step away for a moment. Let me take this train of thought to the logical conclusion: I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that a well-placed recon message on my part resulted in a fucking awesome scene for one of my best friends. I’ll catch hell for that but fuck it. Being a part of the community and having this many good friends means taking one for the team once in a while and putting others first. The scenes I saw yesterday are living proof of that.

Hey.

Alright, sit down. We need to talk.

Y’all SUCK at communicating. Especially when it comes to messages on Recon (and GearFetish). Ho-lee-crap. If I get one more message that consists solely of “hey” or “sup” or “yo” or any of the thousands of other single-word messages out there I am going to start hurting people.

STOP SAYING HEY. Yes, it’s an easy way to see if the person you’re messaging wants to have a conversation but it makes the second half of that (actually getting to a conversation) incredibly difficult. Let me outline a common conversation I have:

  • Them: Hey.
  • Me: Howdy, what’s up?
  • Them: Not much, you?
  • Me: Ditto.

And thus nothing ever happens until we repeat the same conversation a few months later. THIS SUCKS. Stop doing that. I get it. This kinky shit is new and frightening, I know, I’ve been there. It takes a lot of courage to come out and say what you wanna do, assuming you’ve even reached that point. But sending me a one-word message isn’t going to get you anywhere and it’s going to make me not want to waste my time taking to you.

Believe it or not, I’m a pretty nice guy. Same goes for a lot of other guys and gals in the community. We like you. We like that you’ve begun rationalizing your kink. We want to help you. Some of us even like tying up new guys! Personally, if someone doesn’t want to jump right into playing, I’m cool with that. I’m happy to meet up for coffee or dinner or drinks or whatever. I can’t speak for other folks but I’m sure they’re the same way.

What I’m not happy with is trying to decipher that fact from your single word messages, or the long-ass conversations where nothing happens. If you’re nervous or new or inexperienced, just come right out and say so, don’t dance around the issue. On top of clearing things up, it’s also a huge sign of maturity on your part and makes me more inclined to talk to you.

That said, if you’re on Recon to get your rocks off by talking to people and jerkin’ it to their pics, don’t waste anyone’s time. Go to nifty or tumblr for that, dammit.

An addendum: Calling myself or someone else “sir” or “boy” right off the bat might show that you understand a few of the intricacies but for the love of god. Stop. Doing. That. I can’t think of anyone who appreciates or expects that sort of treatment. Personally, I specifically mention not to do so in my profile, so your use of those terms says you haven’t read anything I’ve written (which is a huuuuuuuge red flag).

Proof of life

Fuck me what a week. Again, Twitter followers get the full story, but the executive summary is:

  • My dad had a minor (Ischemic) stroke on Monday and spent the next four days in the hospital
  • Mom’s sister, her husband and their two sons were visiting and staying at my parents house (luckily her husband is Welsh so he helped hold down the fort there pretty well)
  • I work for the family business my parents manage, so I had to fill in and be the public face last week while they dealt with dad’s condition
  • Mom elected to keep the entire situation under wraps for privacy reasons
  • My birthday was on Friday

So yeah. Dad’s doing much better now, thank gods and the office managed to stay afloat. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time at their house and visiting relatives. By the time the weekend rolled around I was done with them. I tweeted that I seriously needed to get tied up and Loki was happy to accommodate me.

So he and I went to the eagle for what was supposed to be a puppy social/happy hour. It was neither of those things given the fact that we were the only two puppies there. We left after about an hour and wound up back at his place where I got stuck in a nice hogtie for a few hours.

As it turns out, this was about all I really needed in terms of subby time. When we reconvened on Saturday the atmosphere was much more aloof than the day before. Neither of us had any inclination as to how to kill a few hours. As it turned out, Loki needed some straitjacket and CBT time and I was happy to oblige him.

I’ll be the first to admit that I lack some serious confidence when it comes to domming, but this scene with Loki went better than most. There wasn’t really any room for any sort of overt Dom/sub play, just restraint and CBT so all I had to do was focus on that. Much more straightforward. So we did that, I got to try out my new medical restraints, he said he had fun so all in all I count it as a win.

Next up we had 1763’s 10th Anniversary Party. Master Dan had been asked to put on a show of sorts and Loki had been enlisted to help. I tagged along as I’m known to do. The show turned out to be one of Dan’s friends getting secured into the prism with chains and saran wrap whilst wearing a latex catsuit and gas mask. We then wrapped the entire prism in saran wrap and filled it with party balloons. It was, all in all, pretty damn neat.

Some other highlights of the evening:

  • Seeing a mostly naked lady lounging under the balloons after we pulled them out of the prism and into a side room to be deflated
  • Having an opportunity to further break in my new restraints with a guy who’s into being tied down as tightly as possible and abused a bit. That was fun
  • Meeting a new guy and watching all the fun faces he made during his first electro experience
  • Coming home and going right the fuck to bed (and sleeping like a mofo)

This weekend, while far from being the best birthday ever (but still top five), was more proof that things aren’t all bad. There’s been some commiseration that the “young folks” aren’t interested in kink education. That’s a load of bullshit, as evidenced by around 250+ people watching and learning from various scenes at 1763 this past weekend. Young folks aren’t interested in complaining about the way things used to be (he said, unironically) or sitting around and discussing things using parliamentary procedure.

My ability to dom? Still not dead. Getting better even. I hate saying that, I really do, but I definitely feel more confident tying people up than I did even six months ago (he said, unironically, again).

The office? Stronger than ever. Dad? Alive and kicking. I can’t thank everyone on Twitter and elsewhere enough for the show of support. It really means a whole hell of a lot.

Everything’s ok 🙂