Mind Map

Blogging feels weirdly antiquated now. Online kink, at least for me, has become intwined in Twitter, Tumblr Bdsmlr, Instagram, and Fetlife. Even Telegram and its slow resolution of groups and channels feels like a more sufficient, modern platform than a self-hosted Wordpress blog. Alas, having this platform may prove to be timely, as the few companies controlling the internet continue to crack down on “sexual content”.

Holy shit I’m so tired of talking about that though. Let’s talk about something more exciting. Like this mind map of my kinks and fetishes (PDF). One of the traps I keep falling into is trying to figure out how best to curate what all it is I like exactly. I’ve tried blog posts, spreadsheets, and reblogging stuff I liked on Tumblr. Those sort of worked, but only got me part of the way there. The mind map though gets about 95% of what I’m trying to say across, and that’s good enough for me.

One of the reasons this works is that it forces me to break out “what I’m into” into some basic categories, mental sock drawers for which kink tickles what part of my brain. At the core of the mind map is Ceding Control: willingly exchanging power with someone else in a given scene. Or series of scenes. Or a weekend. This is kinda the umbrella under which everything falls for me.

The first major sub-node is Submission, in blue. Submission to someone else’s whims, submission to bondage, or to having my orgasms and lack thereof controlled. This is the most “physical” of the four major nodes off of ceding control, as it encompasses not only physical restraint, but control over my physical being, or exposure to the Dom’s.

My favorite sub node though has to be Forced Humiliation. Absolutely nothing gets my creative juices flowing like coming up with ideas for this section. It feels somewhat blasé to say that these ideas are appealing because they’re taboo, but they are. I mean I’m a fully grown, 30 year old adult and the idea of having to ask someone for permission to use the restroom? Fuck. Yes.

Unfortunately, a good portion of these ideas aren’t so easy to actually follow through on. Some of them require assets that I don’t have or have the ability to create, and others are just time consuming or logistically complicated (ask me how often I remember to check a sub friend’s location). At the very least, there’s some excellent material for the spank bank here, or a future creative writing enterprise.

Being coerced into doing something (CONSENSUALLY) is hot, so coercion gets its own section as well. It’s not a frequently tickled stimulus of mine (surprise surprise, I looooooove sucking dick), but when the stars align it creates a beautiful scene. This is one section where the mind map falls short though. Several items on this node come with some pretty substantial and important caveats, and I can’t find a way to explain them without detracting from the usability.

Strapping on some football gear or sliding into a singlet for a bondage scene is pretty much de rigueur for me. It’s hot and spandex is flattering on me. If I can take it a step further with a play partner, and both of us can temporarily suspend our sense of disbelief, role play adds a whole new element. Yes, this also leans heavily on playing with taboo ideas, but why the fuck not. The Removal of Autonomy idea needs some particularly in-depth explanation (hey, I know, you should write a blog post about it!).

So I’ve explained things above, but mostly written with myself as the sub. This isn’t just stuff I want done to me though, it’s stuff I like doing to other people. The mind map can be though of as an explicit whitelist (it’s 2019, let’s use a potentially less offensive term liiiiiike....) alrightlist. E.g. with a few noted caveats, everything up there is fair game for me. If it’s not listed, it’s not on the blocklist, but we can talk about it. The mind map isn't the be-all and end-all of scene negotiation, it's just one of the better tools I've found for setting expectations. It's a conversation starter.

This has of course been a great tool for talking with potential play dates as well. It stimulates the creativity to get a copy of the mind map back with their likes and dislikes colored over, or their own additions penciled in. Again though, one of the downsides is that interaction options are limited. At some point I might go through and expand it into a fancy web page with descriptions of each node and pictures to demonstrate what the hell I’m talking about.

For those who are going to ask, the mind map is generated entirely with the stupendous Mind Node 6 for iPad.

Here's the mind map in text format, if you're not in the mood or able to use a PDF.

Submission #

Positions #

Worship #

Smells #

Captivity #

Sexual Control #

Service #

Forced Humiliation #

Behavior Modification #

Water sports #

Appearance Control #

Exhibitionsim #

Coercion #

Threats #

Surrendering #

Light Pain #

Rewards #

Games #

Overpowering #

Role play #

Cop x Prisoner #

Wrestler x Wrestler #

Wrestler x Football Player #

Dumb Jock #

Karate #


Animal #

Removal Of Autonomy #

Knight x Squire #